Kim's Week 1 Snap Judgements

Kinsler - Hello, Homers! You always look like you have just rolled out of bed, but it works for you. I like it. A lot.
Andrus - good job helping Darvish pick out his warm-up song! It rocks. (Soulja Boy's "Crank Dat")
Hamilton - yum. Just yum. Way to play like your contract is up at the end of the year!
Cruz - congrats. You made my "top 5" Rangers list this year thanks to your little photo in the ESPN "body" issue. Aye carumba!
Napoli - Seriously? You're my only Ranger in the fantasy league. I expected more of you, but thanks for the HR today.
Moreland - you've impressed me this season. Get your teeth fixed, come back, and keep impressing me, country boy.

Lewis - I like you with the beard this year. Keep it.
Holland - you goofy mustached man, I love you. But not in a "I want to do you" kind of way.
Harrison - even though you continuously remind me of Sloth from Goonies, I like you. I will like you even more if you keep pitching like you do.
Darvish - You make me nervous. You need to thank our offense. I know it's only been 2 games, now bring some of that crazy Japanese pitching that got you the $100M+ contract. With the kind of money you're making to come here (money we DIDN'T spend on renewing CJ's contract), you should have me feeling so comfortable every time you take the mound that I feel like I'm doing yoga while being sung a lullaby and given a massage - all at the same time.
Feliz - I don't like the way you walk. Not as in, walking people on base, but the way you actually walk. But you can pitch. Keep on, keepin' on baby face!

Ross - I'm like a proud mama every time you take the mound (Note: I *called* that this kid would make the bullpen and I predict he'll be the next big Texas pitcher). Keep rockin' your rookie status...love the pink backpack.
Nathan - I kind of want to shoot you. But you have a kick-ass warm-up song. PLEASE don't eff up this season for us.
Adams - I can't figure you out. I don't like your weird pitching stance, and I feel like the theme to The Munsters should play whenever you come out of the bullpen. But you're a good guy to have on the mound.

This Week's Hotness Scouting Report:
Twins I'd Like to Do: Mauer, Hendriks (Hello, Aussie! An accent like that gets you bumped up the list ANYTIME.)